I told my grandma I was growing a third leg, and she knit me three socks
Is this an euphimism for “my grandma made a sheath for my dick”?
A cock sock.
A linen condom
I have a family member whose fridge looks like this.
Because he is an unrepentant alcoholic who sucks down vodka like a fish does water, and thinks hes being clever by hiding it in orange juice.
And hes so “clever” that he doesnt hide the recycle bin, which is always overflowing with empty vodka bottles.
Pretty sure he just prefers the taste with orange juice as opposed to drinking it straight
Source: 5 months sober
If he wanted to save on alcohol he could also use it to brew his own booze.
My grandmother stocked raisins in a jar in her kitchen for 30 years because I once said I liked raisins.
It was cool to know there was a jar of raisins there basically just for me to have raisins. But I eventually didn’t like raisins all that much anymore. But of course I’d have to have some raisins because she was keeping them there for me.
I love my mother-in-law. I mentioned one time sixteen years ago that I enjoy red velvet cake, and for the following decade every time she got donuts there was at least one red velvet donut in there.
Now, while red velvet is delicious, it’s basically just chocolate. The real joy of red velvet cake is the cream cheese icing, which was never included on the donut. And even with the icing, it’s like my #3 or #4 favorite cake, and she never brought me a german chocolate cake donut.
She has learned that I prefer the peanut butter cream-filled, though. Now that’s the one that’s always included. Which is part of why I always tell people I lucked out marrying into a super great family.
My folks do this. If I say I like something, I’m getting that for Christmas for the next decade
I asked for a Butterfinger once as a kid and for the next 30 something years, my parents treated it like it was my favorite candy of all time (hint: it’s not).
I mean, at least it wasn’t a Zero Bar. I got those a couple times as a kid and they were okay if you were in the mood for it, but damn if someone said they got me a candy bar and handed me that I’d be a bit disappointed. But hell, Id still be happy someone gave me a candy bar though.
my mother is somehow the opposite, if i say i don’t want something she’ll always and without fail ask me “since when do you hate [thing]”
For me it was always, what do you want for Christmas? How about a computer chair (because she didn’t like the chair I used, it was one you knelt on kind of like this.
I would say absolutely not, I love my chair. And she would get me a computer chair for Christmas.
Same thing happened with my graduation. She got my brother a watch a couple years before when he graduated, told her absolutely don’t get me a watch I never wear them as they always bothered my wrist. (I sweat and run hot, and we lived in Florida, which means it’s always 100% humidity). I of course got a watch for Graduation. I took it to get sized 7 years later, wore it home from the place that sized it put it in a drawer and the battery died god knows when after that, but long before I ever went to wear it, I just saw it was dead when I had to move it to another house. So now I carry a dead watch from place to place and I doubt it’s worth anything as it was engraved on the inside, so I doubt you could even pawn in.
Not arguing you’re wrong, but I’ve been witness to the other side of that sort of conversation.
The item was ketchup. Always needed to have ketchup. Then:
Child: “I hate ketchup!”
Mom: "What do you mean? You put ketchup on everything.’
Child: “I’ve never used ketchup. I’ve always hated it.”
[Jump forward a few years]
Child: “Where’s my ketchup?”
Mom: “I thought you hated ketchup?”
Child: “Since when? I use ketchup all the time.”
As the dad, I’m tempted to point out that mom doesn’t need help losing her mind, but as the dad, I also know better than to be involved.
Kids can be maddening. Mine has reflexively started saying the opposite of what they mean when asked a yes or no question.
I’m guilty of the other way. I really don’t know what else my mother is into nowadays, but since she raised me on Star Trek, I usually just get her Star Trek shit.
The thing is, she loves it every time. Or claims to.
Maybe casually ask her sometime if she needs anything? Listen when she expresses interest in a random gadget, piece of cloth, etc? Notice when she gets frustrated with a task that a tool can help with, or that you can volunteer to manage?
People usually buy gifts they would like, and its so nice she loves it still, but I’d bet she’d be extra happy with a surprise.
I’ve heard that orange juice goes for like $11 a gallon in some places lately, so gramps must be ballin rich!
This made me curious so I checked. A Gallon on OJ cost $10 at my local chain store. It’s the only grocery store for a while so they get away with a lot. What does it normally cost? I’m not a fan and don’t think I’ve ever bought orange juice
grampa: fuck gold or crypto, i am going OJ
edit: btw, gambling in OJ futures is quite a thing, i think there is even a movie about it
Trading Places, is the movie. 80’s movie
Looking good Billy Ray!
how? wasn’t the whole thing about orange juice that the US just had too many danged oranges so they started advertising it is the breakfast drink? shouldn’t it be dirt cheap?
I forget where I saw that online, but it was somewhere here in the USA. I can’t say I’ve personally seen OJ at that price, but honestly I haven’t ever shopped for OJ, so I dunno.
Still, somewhere between name brand and price gouging and shit, I don’t doubt it a bit. Wherever I saw that posted, it was a photo including the shelf price tag.
$10.99 a fucking gallon!
Someone posted a Canadian store selling it for that much due to tariffs.
This was before the tariffs actually.
Ouch, even worse
Lol accurate. For me it was my grandma and corned beef hash. I said I liked it with eggs. Next time she stopped by, she brought a dozen cans of it. Can’t eat that stuff anymore, only homemade from now on because canned corned beef hash smells like dog food.
This is me but with my wife. Mention you like something? I will continually surprise you with it until you get sick of it and cry uncle.
what if you mention you like your coworker’s ass?
Glad you clarified with your wife because I was about to say I like poutine and I’d love one at the moment Mr Big Strong Man Sir
I am a people pleaser who is not immune to flattery. Tread carefully.
Good to know…
Oh Mr. Big Strong Modifier! Please save me with your massive arms and kind heart and thicc ass…
Here you go. This is for the next time you want to absolutely spoil your wife.
New York Style Cheesecake Stuffed Chocolate Covered, Graham Cracker Rolled Strawberries.
Needed ingredients:
Strawberries. I normally go ahead and get double the amount I intend to make, so that I can be picky about less than perfect strawberries, which can be set aside to be cut into thin slices and dusted with confectioner’s sugar. So 4 containers of strawberries. Leave in fridge until ready to make.
Candy maker’s chocolate melts. They may be called something else, they are small dots of chocolate that you can melt in a pot to have molten chocolate handy. Generally need about 1 cup of chocolate for every 8-10 strawberries. You want either dark chocolate, or semi-sweet. Milk chocolate is way too sweet with all the other sugar in this.
New York Style Cheesecake filling. I’m not putting a full recipe here, but for the love of entropy, don’t use a box mix.
Graham Cracker crumbs. Either throw some graham crackers into a food processor, or just buy a bag of the stuff.
Once you have all the ingredients, start melting your chocolate in a double boiler while you prep the strawberries.
Remove all the strawberry leaves. This is crucial if you’re going to reseal and double dip the strawberries. Also ensure you match the tops and bottoms so that you can rematch them together.
Cut the top ¼ inch off the strawberries. Insert your knife into the middle of the strawberries, and twist the knife to make a pocket.
Use an icing bag to pipe in the cheesecake filling.
Holding the bottom of the strawberry, barely dip it into the chocolate on the top of the cut berry, and use the chocolate as a glue to adhere the top of the berry back to the top, sealing the cheesecake inside. Dip the top of the berry, and allow to cool.
Once you have dipped all of the top of the berries, finish the chocolate coating by dipping the bottom, and rolling in the graham cracker crumbs to create a small “base.”
Store in the fridge for at least two hours to allow the chocolate to fully harden.
Congratulations you now can totally spoil your wife, or possibly get out of the doghouse.
I basically never share this technique, as it is one that I came up with myself.
I miss my grandad. He would do stuff like this.
Grandpa showing love in his own way.
Having young nieces and nephews, be very clear and leave obvious hints of what you’d like as gifts. I know that look of disappointment.
A good way to leave an obvious hint is to put it in “Saved For Later” of wherever the old grownups shop.
And be specific, or we’ll get it wrong! My husband terrorized our wee little girl by getting a Sonic Screwdriver for her stocking. But not the Doctor’s SS, the Master’s! She’s an adult now and that thing is still stuffed in the back of the closet from when she ran away from it.
“I hate orange juice!”
- 9 year old niece
I would totally drink all of that lol
I haven’t bought orange juice in over a year because the price almost tripled. I look at it longingly in the store sometimes though.
Thanks grandpa 😀
