So, I work in the agro industry and my boss said she had to make an unscheduled trip to the “land down under”, to go to her brother in law’s wake. She gave me a bunch of weirdly specific instructions. I had to go inform other company executives (who were also her relatives), and she hinted that she wouldn’t be safe there and might need their help to return. Maybe something about the immigration customs? But she made a huge deal out of it, like I had to beg them to rescue her.

The three first I asked laughed at my face saying

Nah, what the hell she doin over there? Bitch had all she wanted above and she also wanted what was below?
We already warned her, I aint rescuing that greedy hoe."

Which, honestly, was perfectly reasonable and sounded like they knew her well. Word came up that she tried to usurp her sister’s place as soon as she arrived and had gotten killed (?), but I didn’t really believe it and just kept going. The fourth guy was like “Oh no, babygirl’s in danger? I’ll send two goons to take her back”. And he did. And they came back with my boss, unfortunately unscathed. And a goon of the Australian branch. Apparently, someone else had to go to the land down under and take my bosse’s place if they were gonna let her back (how did she make herself so essential? She was there three days!). Aussie goon asked if he could take me (excuse me?) but boss said no, because I followed all her instructions (thank you!). So they kept looking among the branch managers. All of them had bought into the stories of her death and made small memorials, minutes of silence, wore mourning clothes… All of that pleased her so none of them were taken away.

Then she found out her husband hadn’t been mourning, so she got mad and got the aussie goon to take him away. I would’ve found it funny if be wasn’t the head of the cereal department, the most important one; and he was kinda very important.

Producticity plummeted. The boss eventually let her husband come back, but his sister had to go replace him in the southern branch. Productivity climbed up again, but then she sent him back six month later so his sister could return. Then the reverse six month later, they just kept switching them every six month, and basically, we’re only producing grain when the original department leader is here.

This fucking sucks, never work for the goddess of fertility.

/s