"Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority”

and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person”

and they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay."

-a 15yo autistic girl experiencing ABA therapy

Source

  • KeriKitty (They(/It))@pawb.socialEnglish
    762·
    8 months ago

    Ohey, familiar. Lately getting that particular bit of equivocation from my own abusive “family” who’ve been threatening everything from having me jailed to having me “institutionalized,” calling the cops on me to evict me without notice, physical intimidation… Turns out “no” is a grievous offense to such people. The whole “children as property” thing is vile, absurd that some clearly think giving birth yields the ultimate entitlement, to an entire person and their life. I wonder if not getting diagnosed is a ‘blessing in disguise’ :| Tried for a decade or two to tell BioMom I thought I was ‘on the spectrum’ but always just got bullied out of ever seeing a doc. “There is NOTHING wrong with you!!” she’d say, every time. So now I’m a wreck 'cause two people screwed and entitled themselves to getting by with this crap (and more besides). I hope that person manages better.

    …Could really use help escaping before I become a data point, actually :-\

    • Icalasari@fedia.io
      52·
      8 months ago

      I’d try to avoid getting an official diagnosis until you are free - Autism CAN be used as a way to deem a person incompentent and unable to handle their own living situation, causing a guardian to be assigned power of attourney and control over finances

      Source: I have Autism and thankfully am lucky my mother isn’t insane as she has effective power of attourney

    • TheFriar@lemm.ee
      131·
      8 months ago

      I mean, this is dicey, being online, being (presumably) a young woman. So it might be tough finding support online. But check local anarchist groups in your area. If you’re seriously in that kind of trouble, it might be worth getting out, maybe even with a friends’ family you trust. But if things are dire…do what you can to find a safer place to be.

    • intensely_human@lemm.ee
      11·
      8 months ago

      How old are you? Are you over 18, but lack funds to leave the house? What’s the current active barrier to getting out?

      • KeriKitty (They(/It))@pawb.socialEnglish
        12·
        8 months ago

        I’m 34, so part of the problem getting help is that I’m old enough I’m supposed to “have my shit together” but… problems. So I’m too young for “later life” help and too old for “youth” help. I’m also trans and (likely) AuADHD and have a physically sickening fear of thresholds (phone calls, leaving), can barely stand confrontations (and even that’s thanks to meds they’re not gonna be letting me get, despite their lies about worrying about my health) and stuck in Oklahoma, so difficulties everywhere. As for blockers to getting out:

        1. I’m actively afraid to unlock my room’s door, ever. BioDad is verbally abusive and acts like he’s going to beat me every time he thinks he can get by with it. I’m terrified of even being seen any more. I eat/drink/bathe rarely and only when I’m quite sure they’re both asleep or out of the house.
        2. I’m overwhelmed trying to figure out what to even do. Temporary housing seems unavailable outside of getting a hotel room, and that won’t last long. As long as it does last, it’s quickly burning up my ability to do anything more permanent. Do I try to find a cheap, shit apartment or roommate arrangement here? Do I move to one of a dozen or so bluer, safer states? Places like MN Transplant offer lots of resources that may help but a list of resources isn’t a plan, it’s a pile of stuff I don’t even know whether to focus on let alone have a clear idea what to do with.

        I’ve been given only a week to get out. This is better than their original idea, which was to call the cops on me to kill me, throw me into jail, “institutionalize” me, or at least throw me directly out with nothing, but not as good as the thirty days’ notice required by law. I guess the cop with the Punisher tat didn’t mention that when he was explaining that they can’t just have the cops throw me out to die miles from the nearest town. Anyway, I feel backed into a corner and it’s hard to even think. I have some credit, and some money in the (joint-ownership!) bank that I’m trying to get into my PayPal (not great, but it’s what I have) account, but that transfer takes time and every day I delay wrecks my mental state a bit more. If I manage to get myself a hotel room, every day also burns a bunch of money. So I spend each day totally screwed up struggling to survive everyone in the house including myself, and I’m not even sure I can. I’m not even sure I should. I’m even afraid of getting myself into a position where “living” is the only option.

        Idunno if it’s normal, or being a pampered ass, or some kinda autism thing but hard to imagine getting out of here unless one of:

        1. I’ve got a clear idea that I can move forward, and how. Someone to cling to, at least. Maybe a solid idea of where I can or should go, where I can get enough income to survive and a reasonably safe place to live. I feel horribly lost and alone and I’d rather be poor with someone good than… I don’t even know. Thrash about desperately hoping a life appears?
        2. Someone brings a “me-sized” bag.

        [rant?] Also I’m not even sure these monsters want me gone. I think they want me to cry and beg for them to let me stay. Why else take my car keys? Why call the cops to evict me instantly, knowing (she managed an apartment place!) how the eviction process actually works? She threw me out once before and before I was even gone she was pulling her usual (life-long) exploiting-my-mental-issues BS trying to get me to stay, then just begging me to stay. When I failed to grow a life and ended up back here, she swore she’d never throw me out again. … Yeah sure, anyway I’m not sure whether she specifically wants me dead or not but I’m afraid neither one is actually willing to let me leave. He’ll do whatever she says and the worst he thinks he can get by with other than that. [/rant]

        tl;dr: My mental state and status are fucked and getting fuckeder and I guess I need hand-holding 🤷 I’m afraid to even leave my room and feel like I’ve got only one shot but there’s no clear shot to take so I’m lost and confused and overwhelmed and afraid of everything, and that’s when I’m not just curled up crying and thinking of dying.

        • force@lemmy.world
          6·
          8 months ago

          Apartments in Chicago are often $1100-1300, minimum wage is $15/hour, Illinois is one of the most liberal states I can think of. Colorado/Denver is also a good choice, and maybe Pennsylvania (Pittsburg/Philadelphia) or Baltimore if you don’t mind getting paid in pocket lint. Massachussetts as a whole is a very blue state, but since it’s an extremely attractive place to a lot of people it can also be really expensive…

        • Zoop@beehaw.org
          2·
          8 months ago

          I’m so sorry. You deserve better!! It’s totally understandable that you’re so overwhelmed!

          Sounds like we’re in pretty similar shitty situations and in the same state and everything. Both in the sense that we’re stuck in Oklahoma and in the state of being super fucking overwhelmed and not knowing what to do and stuff.

          This probably makes very little sense; I have a hard time finding my words because of the whole overwhelmed and autistic burnout thing. But I didn’t wanna say nothing, ya know? I feel for you so much. I hope you figure something out and things improve for you soon. 💖💖💖💖

          • KeriKitty (They(/It))@pawb.socialEnglish
            1·
            8 months ago

            Localish-frond! 🪴 (It’s like a friend but also a pretty, leafy fern-part! Also nearish-by!)

            I hope things improve for you too. Maybe we can even escape together! … Or just daydream about it, I guess. Not likely hell-world fate’s gonna let either of us be happy, let alone both <.< :-\ 🤷 mumbles other things

            Thanks for saying a thing, though. Sometimes wordsing is hard or just frustrating or things.

    • agent_flounder@lemmy.worldEnglish
      121·
      8 months ago

      Ugh that’s terrible.

      I’m tryna think what could be helpful here. Without knowing your situation better, I am not sure which of these apply.

      If there is DV going on, National domestic violence hotline - https://www.thehotline.org/

      Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or connect to emergency community services by calling 211.

      The Autism Society’s National Helpline to learn about resources and services in your area - https://autismsociety.org/contact-us/

      I hope something here helps. Really sorry you’re going through this. :(