And ummm this is not a cry for emergency help. It’s a pondering. I do wonder if many others can relate.
“Awfully bleak” to current me is very little contact with others, difficulty with daily tasks, repetitive cycle of days feeling unable to function, inability to concentrate, financial desperation. Those things are all bleak. And yes all that negatively affects my self esteem. In earlier days what sidelined me was self hatred and nihilistic thoughts. Now it’s chronic pain.
Yeah, can relate. Usually when it’s not bleak i’ll act like nothing happened, like acting i’m not even slightly depressed, and ohh boy i do know how to pretend. But when it come to the point that i need to reach out, i feels like it’s very hard to accurately tell people why i felt that way, and all the reply is either irrelevant to my issue or it will simply turn the issue back to me.
Lately it’s harder for me to reach out even when i felt very bleak to the point of breaking down. I find it hard to trust anyone anymore