New account of NoLeftLeftWhereILive.
When I got what it actually is (learning past the revisionist takes) and truly understanding that it’s inevitable. Like the whole “I might not see it in my lifetime, but historical forces…”
I read a memoir of a long passed local communist and she ended her book with exactly these thoughts. I remind myself of that anytime I start feeling doomer.
My to go-smoothie machine where you make the smoothie straight into the mug. It has completely solved my audhd tendency to not eat anything at all in the mornings/all day and makes it easy for me to get my daily fiber, berries and fruit. I use oat milk & vegan protein powder in it and it has also heavily lowered the animal product amount I use, which I love. It makes very little dishes too and seems to help my covid destroyed GI trackt as well.
And then there is my bluetooth sleep mask that has solved my lifelong also audhd related sleep issues. It used to take me forever to sleep because my mind will start planning stuff or daydreaming when the lights go out and it’s quiet. So as I remembered how much it helped me sleep as a kid when my dad read stories to me I decided to try that.
I started listening to the Discworld books around 2019 and been doing that ever since, every single night. If and when I wake up in the night I just turn it back on and it makes falling back to sleep so much easier. I used to have such stress over this that it ruined my work and I was always tired before ordering this little mask from China.
For what it’s worth I personally take part in this because I need to understand better where all this is coming from and how people think and it’s also incredibly disappointing for exactly the reasons the OP pointed out. Yet these “tankies bad” posts just keep on coming and are symptomatic of the state of the left in the West.
I approach online discussion thinking that there could always be people reading it who could benefit from seeing the counterarguments. I know I did, I used to have far more brainworms (no doubt I still do). But without seeing the arguments I don’t think I would have evolved past them, at least not as quickly. Our basic westoid countries are very hegemonic on the bourge talking points.
It doesn’t mean I don’t touch grass or try to aid class consciousness in my every day, but I am not going to post about those on an online forum.
It really does.
Memory time: I remember a moment, well over a decade ago now, when I was with my grandma who was well over 80 at the time (rip) and she started talking about how fleeting life really is and how she feels no different on the inside from how she felt as a 15 year old. And that she isn’t at all ready to die or found some sort of peace with how fast life went by. The body just ages from around you, but the kid that would like to run and jump is still right there wondering wtf happened.
This moment really stuck with me and feels more true each day that passes. Time also goes by faster each year. It’s kind of terrifying.
The “how the hell did I get here so soon” has really been getting to me lately. I got a pretty slow start to everything thanks to poverty & undiagnosed audhd and am just now getting one actual degree done and some decent wages.
I don’t have time anymore to buy a house, nor do I get a decent retirement fund no matter what I do, it’s too late. But most of all, what happened to all this time? I want to do so many things still and this life just flew by, it’s just so so short and I feel no different than I did at age 17.
I have raised a whole kid in between all this and even that feels like the blink of an eye. My partner is older too and I have started to worry about losing him now, every day feels like both a gift and yet the slight dread of it soon all being over underlies it all. Honestly I am the happiest I’ve ever been and at the same time the dread is bigger than ever before. I also expect all of this to fall apart any day now, if nothing else then the fash will fuck us all up (or climate change).
And I definitely don’t feel like a grown up. I never did. I felt very ancient as a young person, now I just feel the same as then.
These people are just so spectacularly unserious.
Linky