Sometime between tomorrow and 26th March (different news outlets are giving different dates) the UK government are supposed to announce the cuts they’re making to disability benefits. And it sounds like it’s going to be really bad - they’re talking about cutting UC by more than half - but only for the disabled - and making it and PIP very difficult to get. I thought that if I can just win my appeal, I’d be fine for a while. But now, while I still wait to hear about that, I’m losing all hope. If I win my appeal but benefits are slashed by this much, it’s over for me. I am sitting here researching which su1c1d£ methods would be the easiest, most painless and reliable. I have one in mind, but I am still scared. I don’t want to do it, but if the government make it impossible for me to live, I don’t see what choice I have.

They are also talking about “encouraging” the disabled to “try” work and if it doesn’t work out, they can stay on benefits. What this actually means is, being forced into work. I have already provided multiple letters from doctors saying I am unfit for any type of work, but I don’t believe for a second that will be taken into account. FFS I can’t even get dressed or cut my own nails without help. When I was in receipt of my benefits I used that money to do things like pay a carer to help me with this stuff, go to the podiatrist to get my nails cut (the NHS doesn’t do that) and pay for extra physiotherapy sessions as the NHS only gives me one about every 6 months. Since my benefits were stopped I’ve had difficulty getting dressed to the point I’m inappropriately dressed as I can only get certain clothes on, I’ve had accidents doing this (falling over due to balance issues caused by the stroke while trying to get dressed) haven’t been to the podiatrist so my nails are painfully long, haven’t had physiotherapy in ages, apart from one consultation with the neurophysio recently who said there’s basically nothing more they can do.

And yet none of this was enough to stop me getting my benefits stopped, so I know it won’t be enough to stop them trying to force me out to work. I just can’t live like this, the stress and uncertainty never ends. There is no hope of it getting any better. As soon as I wake up in the morning I feel absolute dread descend on me, knowing it’s another day of fear, anxiety and misery.