• thunderfist@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    248
    arrow-down
    2
    ·
    7 months ago

    I had a buddy, and we talked in great detail about this. I chase challenges, and am always looking for the next big puzzle to muddle my way through. He chased freedom. He just wanted to be who he was and spend his time how he wanted.

    My point is people are motivated by different things. Find your thing and pursue it. Don’t worry what anyone else is doing. You don’t answer to them, and they’re not any happier than you.

    • BassTurd@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      30
      arrow-down
      4
      ·
      7 months ago

      The caveat is don’t conflate freedom/motivation with being a dick. Live the life that you want to live, but if that involves disparaging certain demographics for ethically and/or morally wrong reasons, then maybe live a better life than the one you really want to live. This doesn’t apply to most people, but there are some out there that should read it and take it to heart.

    • Sigh_Bafanada@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      7 months ago

      Yeah I’m a bit of both. When I’m working, I always want the next challenge. When I’m at home, I’m quite content to just cease to exist

  • Mr_Blott@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    84
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    7 months ago

    Mate, I’d definitely prefer loose leaf tea but can’t be arsed with the extra hassle

    There are dozens of us

  • Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    79
    arrow-down
    5
    ·
    7 months ago

    As long as you feel you want to avoid responsibilities, please do so in a responsible way. Use condoms every time, and don’t get involved with a person who wants children. Be a good support-player at work so your manager doesn’t have to be a bitch (they still might, in which case support your coworkers). And contribute in low-effort ways like donating an occasional pint of blood if you’re eligible, or offering to put someone else’s cart away at the grocery store. Just being a decent person is enough.

  • cybersandwich@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    62
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    7 months ago

    There are a ton of negative comments on here, but i think the reality is: people value different things.

    When you have certain values you will sacrifice certain things to practice those values/achieve those goals.

    Some people value charity work because helping the community and people makes them feel good–even if it’s more work on their plate.

    Some people sacrifice their personal lives to achieve a career goal. Sometimes that’s for financial reasons, sometimes that’s for ego reasons, sometimes it’s “meeting a challenge”.

    Some people will sacrifice their career to have less stress or focus on their family. Some people value their hobbies, relationships, personal interests to the point where they’ll pick jobs that let them focus on those things–even if those jobs don’t pay as well, even if they aren’t “progressing” up the ladder.

    And for what it’s worth, your values (may) shift over time. I never wanted kids for the longest time. Then I did.

    I valued career progression for ego and financial reasons–and now, that’s shifted.

    I sacrificed spending time with my friends when I had my kid, but now I am putting a lot of effort into those friendships because I value them and that requires work. That means I didn’t take a job offer that would have paid more, so I would have time for my family and friends.

    I value those things more at this point.

    I value my time playing computer games, so I sacrifice my sleep so I can do that. :)

  • kemsat@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    58
    ·
    edit-2
    7 months ago

    Some people are like dogs: they want to be useful & helpful.

    Some people are like cats: they want to sleep 16 hours a day & meow loudly at 3am.

  • bionicjoey@lemmy.ca
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    55
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    7 months ago

    They aren’t thinking of it in terms of increasing responsibility. That is the cost of the decisions they are making, but it’s not the benefit. Each of the things you mentioned have clear benefits (pay raise, biological drive, altruism). They are simply making decisions about when the benefits outweigh the costs.

    • Potatos_are_not_friends@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      22
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      edit-2
      7 months ago

      I became a manager because I worked with shitty managers who sit on their ass and promote their friends. I wanted to change that.

      I take on harder projects than my peers because I can handle it. It’s easier for me to deal with the stress, than give it to a teammate who would absolutely struggle and lose 4 weekends trying to solve it.

      I became a parent because I worked in the school system and taught kids without good families. I used to stay after school just to give these kids a positive influence before they get sent back to their shitty home.

      I absolutely do not think about the stress of the added work, but instead focus on the results of my actions (or the results if I don’t do it).

      • TomAwsm@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        8
        ·
        7 months ago

        I became a parent because I worked in the school system and taught kids without good families. I used to stay after school just to give these kids a positive influence before they get sent back to their shitty home.

        Don’t take this as criticism, just trying to understand: What’s the logic here? As a teacher without kids (for now), I feel like I’d have more to give to help my pupils if I don’t have kids of my own.

  • ABCDE@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    56
    arrow-down
    2
    ·
    7 months ago

    I am the same and find that life is enough for me as it is. I’m also on the spectrum so it’s easier to not burden myself unnecessarily.

    • remotelove@lemmy.ca
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      29
      ·
      7 months ago

      My ADHD plays a huge part in the opposite direction. I have had hundreds of different hobbies or interests. Each hold my attention for a while and then I rotate to the next.

      What I have learned to do is make hobbies or projects interrelated and each supports the next. CAD work supports my 3D printing, which supports all the rest, as an example. Tools purchased need to have multiple uses and other supplies the same. Essentially, I have constructed a huge feedback loop for my natural tendency to bounce around.

      While that stuff keeps me busy, I am learning to simplify the rest of my life, so that is nice.

      • FoxyFerengi@lemm.ee
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        11
        ·
        7 months ago

        Wow. I think you just resolved some minor trauma for me. My mother used to berate (and sometimes beat) me for “never finishing things”, as in I’d be really interested in something and then lost interest. It drove her up the wall, but since I was a kid all I heard was “stop being interested in everything”.

        I got dx’d with ADHD at 35. Slowly, and thanks to comments like yours, I’m making sense of my brain and learning to be kind to myself

        • remotelove@lemmy.ca
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          3
          ·
          7 months ago

          I was diagnosed early, but didn’t start treatment until my 30’s. Basically, I had some really unfounded perceptions of the condition and how amphetamines worked. Whoo boy, was I wrong!

          But yeah, it’s hard not to use the condition as a crutch or an excuse. It’s a legitimate condition, no doubt, but the trick is trying to learn ways to leverage it as a positive. (TBH, this only works in some cases, not all.)

          The biggest challenge for me is trying to communicate how I think and operate to others. Processes that work for normal humans simply do not work for me. This poses some massive challenges in my career, for sure. By the same token, the way I think gives me unique advantages in problem solving. (I am in IT Security by trade where thinking differently is almost a requirement.)

      • TexasDrunk@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        4
        ·
        7 months ago

        Man, I wish I had heard this decades ago. Most of my hobbies are entirely unconnected except building guitars then playing them. I have a garage full of woodworking stuff that’s only for that, a garage full of tools for working on motorcycles that don’t overlap, a bunch of tools for cooking outdoors, a room full of entirely unconnected gear for playing pool, rock climbing, a shelf full of tabletop games, gardening equipment, fishing gear, and equipment to make a beverage that is illegal for me to make at both the federal and state level.

        You have a good system.

          • TexasDrunk@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            3
            ·
            edit-2
            7 months ago

            They’re all a lot of fun. The only ones I have kept up with long term are building and playing guitars, cooking outdoors, and working on motorcycles. The rest were passing fancies.

        • Aniki 🌱🌿@lemm.ee
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          3
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          7 months ago

          Not op, but I love making interesting furniture and light fixtures. It’s a combination of wood working, pretty lights, microcontrollers, open source projects, and stuff that normies fucking love, like epoxy desks. I always have a handful of projects at various states of completion and whenever I get bored of one I bounce to another until I finish and then just pick something from my yuge list of stuff I wanna build and keep going.

    • Kiosade@lemmy.ca
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      13
      ·
      7 months ago

      Exactly! Compared to what neurotypical people are capable of, I truly do feel disabled in some ways. However, as long as I can continue to support myself and my partner until we both die, I’ll be good without all the extra bullshit and responsibilities.

  • NounsAndWords@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    42
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    7 months ago

    We’ve been tricked into thinking either that hard work pays off or this specific hard work thing will pay off. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. But all the time it leads to more work.

    My expert psychoanalysis of your entire personality based on a one sentence post is either you’re happy where you are, or you’re afraid of change.

  • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    31
    ·
    7 months ago

    i consider to some degree, actively avoiding responsibility as a form of responsibility.

    For instance, if you know that you can’t be a good parent, then don’t. Some people just have different priorities, and if yours are simply enjoying life, then fuck it.

  • angrystego@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    29
    ·
    7 months ago

    Perhaps they value different things in life. Everyone is not the same, what works for you won’t work for everyone. There are people who enjoy having responsibility. Having children, being a manager and doing charity work feels fulfilling to them.

    • Smoogs@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      14
      arrow-down
      8
      ·
      7 months ago

      Until they say they are over their head and start complaining they have no free time in a very negative tone to all of their childless/non managerial friends and guilt tripping on how they should do the same. “When are you having kids?”

      • Lizardking13@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        10
        ·
        7 months ago

        Do childless, non-managerial people have no complaints in life? Most things aren’t perfect. It doesn’t mean they’re not also fulfilling.

        On the other hand, some people just like to complain. The comment you’re making just lacks some nuance.

      • Default_Defect@midwest.social
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        9
        arrow-down
        7
        ·
        7 months ago

        I know these types. There’s nothing stopping them from having the kids babysat or to take a day off, but they’d rather be able to hit people over the head with the victim complex even though they put themselves into their position knowingly and without hesitation.

        • TimmyDeanSausage @lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          4
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          7 months ago

          Half the people I work with have kids and, if you complain about anything at all around them, they always have some way to minimize it and one up you. Got three hours of sleep? Well, with their kids, they only sleep 30 minutes a night on a bed of nails under a running stream of volcanic temp water. Starving because work is crazy, you haven’t eaten all day, and it’s 7pm? With their kids busy schedules, they only eat once a fortnight, on the toilet, crying into they’re meal which only consists of bread crusts their kids didn’t want. Like, sorry, I forgot I’m not allowed to suffer around you people because you made a life decision that requires extra effort on a daily basis.

  • CrazM13@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    28
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    7 months ago

    Hello, someone who went to a manager position here! I’m 100% with you, decreasing responsibility means decreasing stress and so is always a priority! However, there are a few reasons one might shoot for the moon anyway.

    1. Ambition. This is the obvious one, some people just want more. More money, more power, more prestige. That is a valid reason to push further but isn’t for everyone.

    2. Empathy. Yep you read that right! Ambition isn’t the only driving force to take on more responsibility. Empathy can lead people to see the ways to improve others’ lives, workloads, and more!

    3. Accidents. Especially with children but also in other areas, accidents happen and can often leave people with more on their shoulders than expected.

    I personally am mostly number 2. I saw the terrible leadership that my team has had in the past and the ways I could assist my team to improve. I knew all the complaints and had ideas to fix them so I took the responsibility bullet so they don’t have to.

    I hope this helps you see into the mind of someone who accepts responsibility, even if it means more stress and less freedom!

    • Asafum@feddit.nl
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      6
      ·
      7 months ago

      Empathy. Yep you read that right! Ambition isn’t the only driving force to take on more responsibility. Empathy can lead people to see the ways to improve others’ lives, workloads, and more!

      I actually really resonate with that one. I pretty much ended up in the psudo-managment position I’m in because I kept seeing ways to improve life for those around me and it required me getting more and more involved in things outside of my specific role. It got to the point that I became the “go to” guy and ended up with a bunch of responsibilities, but at least the work is a little easier for those I work with directly on the factory floor and a few people in the office as well.

  • frostmore@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    24
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    7 months ago

    i got a masters,tried to climb the corporate ladder only to realise,i prefer the quiet life,less responsibility and less stress.

    i didn’t want to be a corporate high flyer after trying to. some people will never know until they try and some couldn’t get out because they went with the flow and got stuck.

    • Lightor@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      14
      ·
      7 months ago

      This. I’m currently a CTO. Planning my next move to be a developer, not management of any kind.

      • bitwolf@lemmy.one
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        4
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        edit-2
        7 months ago

        If you find some spare time.

        I would love to know how you rose to that position and what the work was like.

        Sincerely, A developer who feels the upper rungs on the ladder is a good way to make meaningful change

    • ShadowCatEXE@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      7 months ago

      Same boat. I’m currently a software engineer. Colleagues have joked in the past that I’ll make my way as a manager or something, but the reality is that I’m more than fine remaining in this position the rest of my career. I’m fortunate enough that I’m fine with the money I make. I’m fine with my responsibilities, including the flexibility I have with my time. Not to mention that I enjoy doing actual development type work.

      It would have to be a significant amount of money for me to even think about accepting any management roles.

      I would entertain a lead type role (lead software engineer or principal software engineer, etc), but management personally is off the table.

  • WoahWoah@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    22
    arrow-down
    2
    ·
    edit-2
    7 months ago

    Because for many people maturing into an adult means taking on and fulfilling responsibilities. It gives many people meaning and satisfaction, often not at the individual moment, but over the course of a life.

    Others don’t feel that way.

    A third category think they don’t feel that way, but realize too late that they do.

      • WoahWoah@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        15
        arrow-down
        3
        ·
        edit-2
        7 months ago

        Interesting that it bothered you enough to comment on it.

        I’ve worked in hospice care in the past. I’m sure there are people that regret taking on responsibility in their life, but the most desperate people I encountered were the ones that realized that they are at the end of their life and realized that they will never have the opportunity to “finally” take on challenges and/or responsibility.

        Imagine a panic attack that doesn’t go away because the time you have left is measured in days, weeks, or maybe months, you know it, and there is nothing you can do to address a lifetime of regret, which intensifies the panic.

        Usually the best that can be done at that point is “comfort care,” which is drugs. And I would just see them cry, fade, cry, fade, cry, fade, and then die alone. It’s horrifying to see, and it sticks with you.

        Life isn’t a movie or game, and no one is the main character.

        • ChewTiger@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          3
          ·
          7 months ago

          Yeah, experiencing that is a horror I wouldn’t wish on anyone. That’s a true nightmare.

          I don’t think having kids of my own is in my future, I hope I can live my life with enough intent and purpose to avoid this date. Thank you both for this thread, it’s gotten me thinking.