Please seek help because I don’t like seeing good people in this place. If you need help, please call 988. You’re worth it.
I guess that’s the American help line? To anyone that struggles with residency in Germany, there’s the Telefonseelsorge. To bring up the courage and reach out is hard, but no one will ever judge you!
Yes, I apologize for the assumption that you are US-based. The 988 help line is the recent addition to our system. Instead of summoning the police which makes everything worse, this gets mental health assistance.
It is what it is bottle up everything what’s the worst that can happen
My homies: Marcus, Seneca and Epictetus.
Based
I am a fan of Schopenhauer and Cioran myself - go so low that the only choice is to go up from there.
Cheers me up quite quickly too, perhaps I’m just morbid by default (Nietzsche doesn’t quite do it for me)
Nobody. I have to live in such a way that I don’t reach that point… including reaching out to others well before the breaking point.
Reality dictates my emotions
vs
Emotions dictate my reality
You are the 2nd type and it’s an invalid belief system. You can’t change reality by believing it away. You are suppressing your emotions. That’s what you mean by “live in such a way that I don’t reach that point”. It’s suppression. You will boil over, eventually. The harder you suppress, the more explosive it will be when you finally break.
Fact: HUMANS ARE SOCIAL CREATURES.
We REQUIRE socialization. Everyone NEEDS someone to talk to. Eventually.
I don’t think that is what they said. They reach out before hitting the breaking point which is a very mature thing to do ^^
This is definitely a thing I’m working on
Slow down, cousin. You’ve misread. Nobody here is arguing for suppressing emotions. What I’m saying is, I don’t have a support structure that’s reliable in crisis. The answer to that is reaching out to my unreliable support structure well in advance, to get the support I need when issues first arise. I can’t afford to bottle, because as you said, bottles explode, and I can’t survive that. Feelings gotta be processed as soon as possible, just in case the first attempt, or the second, or the third, don’t pan out.
I thought you were being pretty clear, but maybe because it reminds me of how I’m working through my own stuff. I used to suppress a lot of my emotions, thoughts, and feelings and just say whatever.
Now I find it better to focus my time trying to talk to and help people. The intrusive thoughts come less than they used to. I notice a difference when they start coming on stronger and I make better choices instead of living in a bottle. I’ve been focusing on my health: exercise, nutrition, and sleep are 3 great pillars to build on.
No one, because the only people in my life either wouldnt give a fuck, or would try to basically turn it into a competition (“Oh, you have X? I have X too, only worse. And also Y.”).
So I internalize it and push it all down into a tight little ball in my lower abdomen, until the day comes where it becomes a cancer and consumes me.
I hope that changes for you at some point.
Well past the halfway mark and it never has, so I doubt it ever will.
Do you know where that tight little ball in your lower abdomen should go? Down the shitter. You don’t have to internalise it. You are your own best friend.
What else am I supposed to use that blasted appendix for, if not this?
Who do you reach out to
Nobody
and why
Asperger’s
Okay, technically I’m reaching out to my homie depression
I feel extemely lucky to have a crew of guys that I’ve known for 45-35yrs…school chums, lifelong friends. We don’t hesitate to talk to eachother. Best feature…we aren’t afraid to say “love you” upon departure, etc…I believe this is extremely rare for a bunch of hetero/CIS guys.
That’s impressive. How did you manage to stay in contact for so long? Hoping my friend group can stay similarly close, although I can’t say for sure. (Coming from a teenager.)
Depends on your life situation. I have a small group like this, but I met them randomly after high school, but I still talk to a few high school friends on occasion.
I also moved across the entire country after high school, which didn’t help with keeping in touch. Once you find the right group, especially now it’s super easy to stay in touch through the internet or just phones.
Yeah, I guess it really depends. A decent chunk of my school friends have ended up emigrating or going to university halfway across the world. The Internet is neat but timezones are still fucky.
There are still overlaps, I have friends in many timezones thanks to that there internets, and there are at least a few hours daily I can find to give em a shout if the need arises.
But more often than not some groups of mine can be radio silent for 6+ months at a time and then randomly strike back up like nothing happened. Catchups are had, games are played, and things are just like we never parted. The at some point we will drift apart again and it’ll be another however long until we’re brought back together.
Core of the group stayed pretty local. People went to college within a 3 hour radius. People got jobs close to our home town. We just kept hanging out. It also is important that there is a group of women that are from the class behind us, '87. Two of them are wives of my BFFs.
Nobody, because I’m afraid to upset/burden anyone by making my problems theirs. It’s caused issues in the past for me so I think my best bet will be finding a therapist lmfao
I for one certainly hope your situation changes for the better, therapist or otherwise.
I reach out to my husband, who is super awesome and usually can help me put my problems either into perspective or out of my mind. I’m usually good at changing my mental channel, but sometimes I struggle and I’m grateful that he knows how to help.
When I’m not at my breaking point but am having a crappy day, I reach out to my dog. She’s not very cuddly and she’s dumb as a box of hair. She’ll sniff my face (focusing on the eyeballs, god knows why) and then turn away and cold shoulder me. But if I try to get up and walk away she’ll follow me like velcro. It cheers me up in a bizarre way :)
You’re very lucky to have him. Upvoted
I’m the luckiest! He’s a wonderful man.
I am blessed to have two friendships that I have been able to maintain even through times of depression and paranoia, mostly because they are stubborn and forgiving enough to stay with me and reach out, even when my delusions of having to isolate from everyone because I am too horrible and bad to deserve friendships kick in. It’s a privilege I know isn’t guaranteed in life and I am so damn lucky that the mess I have comes with them.
If you are going through tough times and don’t have anyone at the ready, I know it can be hard, don’t give up. There’s the professional stuff like therapists, emergency hotlines, self-help groups and, yes, sometimes even strangers on the internet can be enough to give you a necessary mirror to at least lessen any delusional self-hatred and hopelesness that can creep up. Reaching out can be hard and seem impossible, but it is possible, and it is worth it - you are worth it.
It’s worrying how many of the answers are “nobody”. Not surprising based on Lemmy’s main demographic being men in their 20s-30s, but damn.
I freshly graduated secondary school and still have a tight-knit friend group that I can lean on. Even as we drift apart, I hope I can still maintain this type of support network in the future, although I’m not too optimistic.
Good luck in keeping your group together.
- from someone who never really any friends due to how weird I am/almost enigmatic interests (if I may say so myself)
Thanks, to be fair my social circle always consisted of outcasts that banded together to begin with. I don’t think there’s much harm in keeping up with some “normal” activities so you have stuff to talk about though.
All the friendships I’ve had have died away. At this point it’s not even worth the trouble. Have fun while it still lasts.
The internet. Really the only place I have if I am at that point. My family never understands and half the time I don’t even think they listen to me. They don’t even give platitudes or anything. Usually just a glazed over look and a shrug.
Nobody. I just keep it to myself and keep doing what I’m doing. Nobody cares how dudes in their 30s feel unless you’re paying them to care.
My brother (in his 30s) calls me up when he needs support, and I do genuinely care. I’m sorry you don’t have someone. That must be terrible. 😔
This is such an honest and sad statement that I wish was wrong, but isn’t. Whenever I try to open up to another guy, even some of my best friends, they just can’t relate, or make me feel understood, I should say. Talking about depressions and anxiety with another dude feels like chatting about mathematical equations instead of being there for one another. It hurts, but I can’t change it.
Exactly. Very well put. This is exactly how real life is for us
“reach out” 😂
Sorry, second language! What would be the correct phrasing?
Oh! Sorry, you used the right phrasing.
I was being self deprecating, because I don’t have anyone to reach out to! 😅
Oh my bad! Damn, that hurts to hear 🥲 hope you‘re doing okay.
Hey, Queermunist, you can tell me what’s going on? On Lemmy, we’re all friends and look after each other.
Oh! Well, I didn’t understand I was trans until the pandemic (I kept getting ma’amed because of the masks and really liked it, that’s when I knew) and I was 29 by that point. I don’t want to die anymore ? It’s great!
I also have no friends because I was too depressed and dysphoric for a decade after HS to maintain relationships. Also failed out of college so I’m a factory worker (though I don’t hate it) and live in the middle of nowhere. So, yeah, I don’t really have people to reach out to.
Oh. It’s so great that you don’t want to die anymore. Now that you explain it, it seems not as bad as before not having friends. Maybe I could tell something about me as well. When I finished College(12 Years Education) in my country, I had terrible mood swings, I had a terrible crush on one person for literally 4 years, and Since, I couldn’t be with this person, I was tormented just at the sight of that person. Now that, I’m in University, I have made good friends, even though, I used to think I have social anxiety, which I’ve 90% Conquered now. P.S. Sorry about making this about me. Either ignore it, or tell me more about yourself.
Naw we can both share 😊
Though uh, there’s just not much more about myself? Well, there’s a job opening coming up this fall that comes with college benefits and I’m going to try to go for that. I’ll probably go into skilled trades, maybe as an electrician? We’ll see!
Hey, Good luck with that. Try your best.
Wow you’re kinda in my position except I’m not trans and got some of my family left that care about me. Keep fighting the good fight buddy hopefully you’ll find yourself some friends
Gin and Jack are best way to “reach out” a sip of them and all the pain is gone for a moment
Im not even sure if I have a breaking point anymore, because I could swear if anything it’s behind me already. Im already broke.
If you really feel that way, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. It can only get better. Hope you’ll get better soon!
Too many of my problems are material. Therapist says I’m burnt out and need rest/vacation but my student loans say if you stop paying us down you’ll never afford a house. Even paying down principle during the entire interest rate freeze hasn’t gotten me below the original loan balance. I can’t afford to fix it.
I’ve had conversations with one of my friends during some of my lowest points, and I remember him saying once: “I wonder how many mental illnesses could be cured by just giving people enough money to live comfortably.” There is some great truth there.
Hang in there, if not just for yourself, then for loved ones and for all the people that share your frustrations and struggles, there always is the possibility of change, there are years in which weeks happen and weeks in which years happen, and behind every strike lurks the possibility of revolution - as soon as opportunity arises, your frustration and helplessness can be directed towards change.
That’s at least one thing that keeps me sane.
Do you think you carry on in said broken state, or do you feel OK now that said events (which caused the broken state) are behind you?
I think humans can adapt to almost anything. Maybe one day all the walls will come crashing down but for now, they haven’t.
I’m super lucky to have a couple of close friends who I know I can call on. When my dad was dying of cancer at the end of last year, they both took turns coming over so I had company as a distraction 3-4 nights a week. After he passed they even took time off from their jobs and traveled out of town to his funeral while refusing my attempts to pay for their hotel rooms. I’m eternally grateful for them and I don’t know how I would’ve made it through that without them.
Man, those are real friends right there. I’m sorry for your loss.
