Image description:

screenshot of r/AskReddit post by u/CriticalGeode . Title only. official phone app. Light mode.

How would you hide the body of a 165 Ib, 78 year-old white male who is approximately 6 feet tall?

Upvoted by screenshoter. No shown score.

  • edgemaster72@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    91
    ·
    3 个月前

    Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead.

    You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm.

    They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.

  • Fuck spez@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    65
    arrow-down
    6
    ·
    3 个月前

    You’re always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.

  • Spoilt@jlai.lu
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    53
    arrow-down
    2
    ·
    3 个月前

    “light mode”

    Well done, you have managed to dazzle the blind.

  • mwproductions@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    24
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    3 个月前

    IIRC from last time, someone on Reddit suggested digging a vertical hole (smaller visual footprint in an aerial search), covering the body with yogurt (to speed up decomp), and then burying a dead animal above the body (to throw off the cadaver dog’s handlers).

    • teamevil@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      8
      ·
      3 个月前

      Gotta put crushed up glass between the body and what ever dead thing you buried close to the surface to discourage digging

        • CatZoomies@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          10
          ·
          3 个月前

          Good point. Perhaps we also put up a cautionary sign that reads, “Warning: Crushed glass below. Do not dig. No corpses buried at this site.”

          • Krzd@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            1
            ·
            3 个月前

            The animals don’t do any digging. They just report the death smell, and the handlers then have to dig and confirm why the dog reported.

  • Letstakealook@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    21
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    3 个月前

    Depending on climate and soil type, you will need to dig a 3’wx6’lx3-6d hole. USFS land is great for this. Place nude cadaver in hole and coat with 10-15lbs of lye. Refill hole with excavated soil to approximate level of surrounding area. Disperse excess soil thinly over a wide area. Finally, cover disturbed soil with natural debris from the surrounding area, such as pine needles, leaves, twigs, etc.

  • Lemminary@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    15
    ·
    3 个月前

    I love how if this were a serious post people would be up in arms. But since it’s a shitpost everyone’s ok with sharing their expertise. 😂

    • Zozano@lemy.lol
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      7
      ·
      3 个月前

      New meta: be as specific as possible so that others think you’re being ironic.

  • Valmond@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    17
    arrow-down
    3
    ·
    3 个月前

    It would take a couple of weeks but if you go out and vote it could function.

  • ulterno@lemmy.kde.social
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    11
    ·
    3 个月前

    Depends upon what your are hiding it from.

    If the white male is a human and understands your language, maybe you can convince it to hide - in your closet / behind a tree / under a bed / behind some bushes etc.

  • Feelfold@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    7
    ·
    3 个月前

    The “Weekend at Bernie’s” method seems to be working well enough already.